Writing

I have been extremely busy. My Daughter was finally born on January 12th and I cannot tell you what I have gotten done since then. I am constantly paying attention to her, but I love it. She is perfect.

She is currently taking a nap and I decided, why not get on the old blog and type a little. It’s been so long since I have been on here.
I currently am reading a book which some would say I am too old for, but, FUCKIT! I liked the way the excerpt on the back sounded. It’s called Asylum and I am thoroughly obsessed with reading it. I really love ghost stories I suppose, and so far, this one has sucked me in.

It finally occurred to me after putting it down today that reading fuels my writing. When I read for a short period of time, my thoughts sound as if they have been written in a book or something. I hear myself thinking in the form of an authors words. My verbiage makes more sense. It makes me WANT to write something. In fact. I think I will make this a daily habit again.

Home Sweet Home

When you’re away from home, what person, thing, or place do you miss the most?

I miss my fiance (duh), and my shower the most.

I miss him even when he is at work only for a few hours. There is something between us that makes us attached at the hip at all times. We have been inseparable for the past 2 years, and still do not like being apart.

As for my shower, Unless I am in a real nice hotel with a real nice shower, that is the one thing I think about most when on my way home. I can’t wait to get home and sit (yes, sit) in the shower and let the water run over my head. It has always been a place where I go when unhappy or frustrated, or when I just need a break from the world. There is something about the water running over my head and hearing nothing but the sound of water covering my ears that calms me. It is where I hide. When I was in high school, I would get in trouble for hiding in there for an hour. My parents water bill was ridiculous, but it helped me get through the hardest of times. Though I may not take hour long showers today, it is still where I like to hide and shut off for a few minutes.

I’ve always known.

I have always known that I was a little different from most kids. The need to NOT be sticky handed while eating sticky things such as cotton candy, while other kids seemed to have it between every finger and all over their face and not even notice, drove me absolutely mad at the age of 5. The need for everything to be even such as the way I step down stairs with each foot. At the age of about 3, maybe 4, I was obsessively dragging my mother back to repeat half of the stair case with me if each foot had not stepped in the right spot on every stair. I cannot tell you why, I just had this overwhelming compulsion to make sure every step was the same.

In elementary school, my mother would have described me as a round peg that just wouldn’t fit in that square hole. Or however the saying goes. Some may have described me as having A.D.D. which I am told now is A.D.H.D. Not the same in my humble opinion. I am NOT hyperactive by any means, I just have a hard time paying attention, or keeping my attention focused on one thing rather.

I have a TON of creativity, but lack the patience to dig it out of my skull and show it most of the time. It comes out most when I write I think, but usually requires a prompt. In fact, I’m not even sure how I have told you this much without you actually requesting it. I suppose my creative side has just been dying to reach you.

Think Again

Tell us about a time you made a false assumption about a person or a place — how did they prove you wrong?

PINGBACK

I have mentioned this scenario multiple times in my blog I think.

But I once met a man at a show.  A Hardcore show to be exact. I had been dragged there by a friend who I was at the time using as a “smoke buddy” / shoulder because I had been going through a rough time. This friend of mine bought me a ticket to this show and somewhat tricked me, or rather guilted me into going. I was sort of annoyed because I was not a fan of hard core. I was a metal head only, at the time. I thought the show was going to be lame. But I went, with the promise of smoke and just to get myself out of the house. The second I got there, the universe dropped someone in my path that would entrance me forever. We were walking in, and he was walking out. He shook my friend’s hand and then shook mine and asked my name. I shook back and answered, in awe of his beautiful face. I wasn’t allowed to go outside after handing my ticket in, so I asked this beautiful man to go out to my car for me and grab my cigarettes. ( BTW: I don’t smoke anymore.) He agreed and came back really fast. He told us he needed to go outside and do something ( I don’t remember what – still was in awe and trying not to drool.) So we went in from the smoking area to watch a couple other bands. I was bored and decided since I probably would never meet these people ever again, I would be an Extrovert tonight. I said hi to everyone. I got a pick from a bassist from a band called Nihilitus, which I still have to this day, and ended up accidentally meeting the man who got my cigarettes father. I had no idea.

The music began and everyone crowded in, my friend and I close to the front of the stage. I liked the beginning of the music, and felt myself actually getting curious about the show, and then, out he walked from side stage and grabbed the mic. My heart dropped.

Right in front of my eyes, my cigarette fetching, angel eyed, beautiful new crush on stage. What. The. Fuck. I immediately felt sad, but excited. I had been looking over my shoulder all night long searching for him, and now I see him on stage. His voice chilled me, and his words touched my heart. I wanted to cry from the overwhelming amount of feelings. I was bummed because I thought he was probably a ladies man and probably would get cigarettes for anyone who bats their eyes at him, I thought he was probably famous and already had someone, and would never look in my direction ever again. Yet I was proud that he took the time to shake my hand, ask my name and get my junk for me from the car. I was confused to say the least. After his band’s performance ended, or rather seconds BEFORE it ended, my friend whisked me away out the door. I wanted so badly to say goodbye to this mystery man, but thought he probably was too busy with the other females who were jumping around and singing his lyrics. I thought I was most likely unimportant.

That night the whole way home, I could not keep my mouth shut about that band! They gave me chills! I could tell my friend was getting over hearing about it because he had already known who they were, and also, which I didn’t find out about until later, had been growing slight feelings for me.

I spent about 2 weeks stalking. I found the band’s Facebook, figured out my mystery man’s last name and found HIS Facebook. I sent the friend request and proceeded to wait. Nothing happened after that, except for me drooling over his pictures and wishing and wondering what he would be like on a date, or more. Finally, he was selling tickets to his next show, and posted his cell phone number. I immediately saved it in my phone. I know, am SUCH a creep, but I felt something. “Hit me up for tickets” was at the end of his post. I finally, after a few hours got up the courage to send a text. “Hi! I’m “hitting you up” but not for tickets.” I told him who I was and he knew right away. It turns out, he had been looking for ME, and the reason he had never sent a message, was because he thought the friend who brought me to the show, was my boyfriend. HAHA. We continued texting for a couple of days and ended up hanging out. We have been inseparable for the past 2 years, and now are taking our first steps into parenthood together.

He has been saved as Soulmate in my phone since the first day I texted him. I don’t know what that feeling was, but something made me chase. I do not usually chase anything, especially if I think it is out of reach, but I am so happy that time I did. I swore he was a different person, but I have never been more wrong.

Just talking to him, I saw that the face on the stage was a mere mask, a stage persona, and beneath was a real, down to earth person who was looking for the same thing I was. A Soulmate.

Pat On The Back

I’ve been waiting to answer this post!

 

Tell someone you’re proud of, just how proud you are.

 

I know I have said it before, but I probably have never explained it completely.

From the moment I saw you, I was proud to have met you even though I didn’t realize who you were.

From the moment I saw you walk out on stage, I was proud to have even shook your hand.

From the moment I stole your number online, I was proud you wanted to even talk to me.

From the moment we started hanging out, I never wanted to leave your side, and I was proud that you wanted to spend so much time with me.

From the moment you asked me to celebrate 4th of July with your family, I was proud to be the one you wanted to introduce to them.

From the moment you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was so proud to have gained the title.

Every moment we laugh together, or when I am crying on your shoulder, I am proud to have a man who is also my best friend.

From the moment we read the test together, I was proud to be carrying your baby girl, and proud to share her little life with you.

I miss you every day you leave for work, but I am proud of you for doing it for all 3 of us.

I am proud to be your fiancé, and I will be proud to be your wife one day.

 

 

I am proud of you for being so strong during the times I feel so weak,

and I am proud to have your arms to hold me when my eyes begin to leak.

I am proud of you for standing up for what you believe is right,

and I am proud of you for the Daddy you’ll be, Baby’s Shiny Armored Knight.

 

 

There’s no place like home

If you had the opportunity to live a nomadic life, traveling from place to place, would you do it? Do you need a home base? What makes a place “home” to you?

I have lived a nomadic life already. I have always lived out of my mustang, and the trunk has always served a second purpose as my back up wardrobe. I had a bag for my dirties and a box for my cleans. I did laundry at who ever’s house I was staying at at the time. I didn’t get kicked out anywhere, I didn’t leave with any harsh feelings. I plainly could not stand being in my parents castle, on their hill in the middle of no where anymore. Trying to get out of the house seemed impossible because I would get 20 questions about where I was going and who I was going with. At the age of 20. So I did what I had to, grabbed my important shit, and left. My family still holds a grudge against me for it, but I have seen what that hill does first hand. It makes people miserable and rude. I believe that if I hadn’t left when I did and disappeared for a little while, I wouldn’t have had the experiences that I did. I would be miserable and rude. I have spent 3 weeks back on this hill and I am already miserable, and the rudeness has peeked out a few times already.

Have you ever felt that dark “I want to go home” homesick type of feeling? It is sad, but I feel that feeling when I am actually at home. I don’t think that this feeling will go away until my fiancé and I move out to our own home. Now that I am pregnant, all I want is to be left alone and just take care of my fiancé and baby when it comes. I don’t want to deal with everyone else’s noise, or dishes or messes. I want peace and quiet. I carry every bit of stress with me in my shoulders. Every time the door carelessly slams and wakes me up out of my much needed nap, I get angry. It adds a little more tension every single time.

I do feel like I need a home base now. A place to put my important stuff, and a place to run to and relax.  A place to make my own, where no one can tell me I can’t. A place to take care of and clean MY way, knowing some 14 year old isn’t going to come along and mess it up, move my stuff out of the way of her stuff or eat everything before I even get a chance to try it.

To me, home is where my fiancé is. My father tells me that he wants me to be happy, take care of my future husband, and my baby now, and to stop worrying about everything else. I am going to try my best, because these things are all I want too.

Flip Flop

Think of a topic or issue about which you’ve switched your opinion. Why the change?

 

I very recently have decided I like classical music. As in Beethoven and Mozart. I don’t know why this change has happened, because I used to think it made me sleepy. Now I listen to it when I am alone in the car. It keeps me calm and keeps me from road raging. I’ve also heard that it is good for baby’s to listen to it. I don’t know if my little one can hear it in my belly, but I like to think He or She is listening to it with me. 😉