Fashionably Late. As Always.

Well here I am at 38 weeks.
These last 2 weeks seem like such a stretch. I am becoming increasingly impatient. My doctor has told me that I am already 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I still am not sure exactly what these mean, but my doctor tells me she will most likely be born early. I have been trying to get into an online class for childbirth to learn more and figure out exactly what i am feeling and what my body is doing, and for some reason, these people have no idea how to send me an email with my information to log in. I have called about 4-5 times and complained and just now left a message on the manager’s answering machine. I am worried because i know she could come any day now and I am not really sure how to breathe through contractions or anything. I of course waited til the last minute to sign up for this. Better late than never?

My best friend told me to do the class because she had no idea what was going on when she had her baby a year ago. ugh. this worries me a bit. I keep telling myself that there have been women in the past who have had babies and not had a class or even a doctor. The fact that the nurses and doctors at the hospital I plan to go to are knowledgable and extremely caring and helpful also make me feel a little better.

I do however, feel as though I am losing motivation to do other things lately. I find myself just wanting to sit around and wait for her. I am extremely late with sending my baby shower “thank you’s” and the longer I put it off, the more I don’t even want to do it.
I ALSO have a whole room of junk I need to clear out for her as well, and when I go in there to do it and look at the endless piles of things, I get overwhelmed and walk out. Yet another thing I decided to put off til the last minute. I had the previous 8 months to do this. Why am I starting at 8 1/2? because I ALLLLLLWAYS procrastinate.

Today I spent all day basically in my sweats sitting in my room watching TV. Trying to be productive and finish my “thank you” cards, but ever so uninterested. I watched “cops” for about 3 hours. Took a bath. And finally grabbed my laptop to check my email and found myself here. I know that people get tired of hearing me complain about when my daughter will finally be born, so I guess I went to the place I could complain and just send it out into the void.

I do wonder if this feeling I have is a somewhat depressed one, or just anxiousness. Yesterday my hormones were skyrocketing and I found myself crying for most of the day. Anxiety about the room, my Fiance’s ex best friend (who in my opinion is wretched and I don’t want around on account of some really horrible things he said to my fiancĂ© a while back) and of course, when my daughter will finally grace us with her presence. She is taking forever. Just like me.