I have been extremely busy. My Daughter was finally born on January 12th and I cannot tell you what I have gotten done since then. I am constantly paying attention to her, but I love it. She is perfect.
She is currently taking a nap and I decided, why not get on the old blog and type a little. It’s been so long since I have been on here.
I currently am reading a book which some would say I am too old for, but, FUCKIT! I liked the way the excerpt on the back sounded. It’s called Asylum and I am thoroughly obsessed with reading it. I really love ghost stories I suppose, and so far, this one has sucked me in.
It finally occurred to me after putting it down today that reading fuels my writing. When I read for a short period of time, my thoughts sound as if they have been written in a book or something. I hear myself thinking in the form of an authors words. My verbiage makes more sense. It makes me WANT to write something. In fact. I think I will make this a daily habit again.
Well here I am at 38 weeks.
These last 2 weeks seem like such a stretch. I am becoming increasingly impatient. My doctor has told me that I am already 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I still am not sure exactly what these mean, but my doctor tells me she will most likely be born early. I have been trying to get into an online class for childbirth to learn more and figure out exactly what i am feeling and what my body is doing, and for some reason, these people have no idea how to send me an email with my information to log in. I have called about 4-5 times and complained and just now left a message on the manager’s answering machine. I am worried because i know she could come any day now and I am not really sure how to breathe through contractions or anything. I of course waited til the last minute to sign up for this. Better late than never?
My best friend told me to do the class because she had no idea what was going on when she had her baby a year ago. ugh. this worries me a bit. I keep telling myself that there have been women in the past who have had babies and not had a class or even a doctor. The fact that the nurses and doctors at the hospital I plan to go to are knowledgable and extremely caring and helpful also make me feel a little better.
I do however, feel as though I am losing motivation to do other things lately. I find myself just wanting to sit around and wait for her. I am extremely late with sending my baby shower “thank you’s” and the longer I put it off, the more I don’t even want to do it.
I ALSO have a whole room of junk I need to clear out for her as well, and when I go in there to do it and look at the endless piles of things, I get overwhelmed and walk out. Yet another thing I decided to put off til the last minute. I had the previous 8 months to do this. Why am I starting at 8 1/2? because I ALLLLLLWAYS procrastinate.
Today I spent all day basically in my sweats sitting in my room watching TV. Trying to be productive and finish my “thank you” cards, but ever so uninterested. I watched “cops” for about 3 hours. Took a bath. And finally grabbed my laptop to check my email and found myself here. I know that people get tired of hearing me complain about when my daughter will finally be born, so I guess I went to the place I could complain and just send it out into the void.
I do wonder if this feeling I have is a somewhat depressed one, or just anxiousness. Yesterday my hormones were skyrocketing and I found myself crying for most of the day. Anxiety about the room, my Fiance’s ex best friend (who in my opinion is wretched and I don’t want around on account of some really horrible things he said to my fiancé a while back) and of course, when my daughter will finally grace us with her presence. She is taking forever. Just like me.
Last night, I was wasting time sitting at my computer and reading about baby stuff. I read through this “fill out” journal that is called “What to Expect.” Basically it is a week by week journal that you fill out all about your pregnancy. I have been neglecting writing in it for about 3 weeks because I have about 6 different things to write in, and I really haven’t sat down and taken the time to look at it. Well I came across a page which was asking questions about baby’s first movements, and since I have been WAITING to feel ANYTHING, thought to myself impatiently “Well, I’m not there yet” wishing I was. I put the book down and began messing around on my computer forgetting about what I had just read and engulfed myself in a game. I sat there thinking about my game and started feeling something funny in my stomach. Without thinking, I rubbed it and then poked it where it felt funny, and all of a sudden felt something quite odd. It poked back! I completely stopped everything I was doing and placed both hands on my stomach…waiting. Nothing happened. I poked again and waited. Another poke back! I was so overwhelmed with joy that tears filled my eyes and I began to Laugh! My baby girl seemed to be playing with me! I sat with a hand on my stomach and sent a text to my fiance, mom, dad, sister and best friend. I finally got to feel my baby move. It felt a little strange, but I have never been so excited. And how odd that I had just been thinking and reading about feeling baby’s movements. It was as if she had read my impatient mind and was poking as if to say “I’m right here mom!”
Say hello to my little girl. We don’t have a name for her yet, but we’re lookin! This was what we used to announce on our social network accounts. It made me happy to see so much love and support and “congratulations.” It also made me happy to see my fiancé so excited to release it to his friends. If you look closely, you can see our little girl throwin’ up the “Peace” sign. I already adore her so much. She cracks me up. Every ultra sound I get, she just looks like she is already having so much fun.
Well, it has been around a month now, maybe a little more since I have last posted. Just thought I would sit and write a little today. I want to have me time, but whenever I come back home from taking my fiancé to work, I forget what I wanted to do. I lose focus when I get here.
I am currently 13 weeks now, our baby has already shown us a little of it’s personality. I went to get my 13 week ultra sound on Tuesday, and meet with the Doctor as well, and so far everything is going well. I am gaining weight and baby looks healthy. Still don’t know what the gender will be, but I feel like it is a boy. My fiancé had a dream it was a boy, and my doctor said she is guessing boy as well. We shall see. I will still be happy with either and have no preference.
During the ultra sound, baby decided that it didn’t want to cooperate. The tech needed it to roll a certain way to get a certain picture for my doctor, but baby didn’t want to pose for a picture. So, it rolled with it’s back to us. Every so often it would turn and look the right way, and would pose perfectly for a split second, but RIGHT as the tech clicked for the picture, it rolled back over again. I could tell the tech was getting frustrated because I had been a couple minutes late and I knew there were ladies after me who she also needed to do an ultra sound on. She poked and wiggled my belly around, trying to get baby to face us, but baby didn’t want to do it. We heard the heartbeat, and baby’s hiccups. It made me laugh. I walked around and drank water trying to see if baby would move a little. Once I went back into the room, she was able to get a few pictures of baby. The funniest thing to me, was the picture she took. Baby, who was now in the right position, appeared to be smiling. The tech said to us “Oh look! it’s laughing at me!”
My little trickster, just like it’s Daddy, and stubborn, just like me.
Alright so I have been missing a few posts and I suppose I should explain why.
Am pregnant. 🙂
My boyfriend and I will be getting married, and this makes me more happy than anything I’ve done with my life so far.
I have been sicker than a dog, paid a visit to the ER because of a 3 day migraine that made me vomit non stop. I became dehydrated to the point where I couldn’t keep water down, so we drove to the ER, me dry heaving out the door.
Despite the misery I have been in the past couple of weeks, I still cannot shake this feeling of excitement. Everything I think of goes back to my thoughts of Baby. I am not sure if it is a boy or a girl yet, but I feel excitement either way.