Writing

I have been extremely busy. My Daughter was finally born on January 12th and I cannot tell you what I have gotten done since then. I am constantly paying attention to her, but I love it. She is perfect.

She is currently taking a nap and I decided, why not get on the old blog and type a little. It’s been so long since I have been on here.
I currently am reading a book which some would say I am too old for, but, FUCKIT! I liked the way the excerpt on the back sounded. It’s called Asylum and I am thoroughly obsessed with reading it. I really love ghost stories I suppose, and so far, this one has sucked me in.

It finally occurred to me after putting it down today that reading fuels my writing. When I read for a short period of time, my thoughts sound as if they have been written in a book or something. I hear myself thinking in the form of an authors words. My verbiage makes more sense. It makes me WANT to write something. In fact. I think I will make this a daily habit again.

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Fashionably Late. As Always.

Well here I am at 38 weeks.
These last 2 weeks seem like such a stretch. I am becoming increasingly impatient. My doctor has told me that I am already 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I still am not sure exactly what these mean, but my doctor tells me she will most likely be born early. I have been trying to get into an online class for childbirth to learn more and figure out exactly what i am feeling and what my body is doing, and for some reason, these people have no idea how to send me an email with my information to log in. I have called about 4-5 times and complained and just now left a message on the manager’s answering machine. I am worried because i know she could come any day now and I am not really sure how to breathe through contractions or anything. I of course waited til the last minute to sign up for this. Better late than never?

My best friend told me to do the class because she had no idea what was going on when she had her baby a year ago. ugh. this worries me a bit. I keep telling myself that there have been women in the past who have had babies and not had a class or even a doctor. The fact that the nurses and doctors at the hospital I plan to go to are knowledgable and extremely caring and helpful also make me feel a little better.

I do however, feel as though I am losing motivation to do other things lately. I find myself just wanting to sit around and wait for her. I am extremely late with sending my baby shower “thank you’s” and the longer I put it off, the more I don’t even want to do it.
I ALSO have a whole room of junk I need to clear out for her as well, and when I go in there to do it and look at the endless piles of things, I get overwhelmed and walk out. Yet another thing I decided to put off til the last minute. I had the previous 8 months to do this. Why am I starting at 8 1/2? because I ALLLLLLWAYS procrastinate.

Today I spent all day basically in my sweats sitting in my room watching TV. Trying to be productive and finish my “thank you” cards, but ever so uninterested. I watched “cops” for about 3 hours. Took a bath. And finally grabbed my laptop to check my email and found myself here. I know that people get tired of hearing me complain about when my daughter will finally be born, so I guess I went to the place I could complain and just send it out into the void.

I do wonder if this feeling I have is a somewhat depressed one, or just anxiousness. Yesterday my hormones were skyrocketing and I found myself crying for most of the day. Anxiety about the room, my Fiance’s ex best friend (who in my opinion is wretched and I don’t want around on account of some really horrible things he said to my fiancé a while back) and of course, when my daughter will finally grace us with her presence. She is taking forever. Just like me.

My Etsy Addiction

Hello everyone. My name is Dahlia and I am an addict.

I have recently found a love for shopping online, but not just shopping online, shopping for handmade things. It all started when I decided the theme for my baby shower. I made a “Baby Shower” board on pinterest and started scouring the internet for all things Alice in Wonderland. Of course finding Alice in Wonderland invites that I actually liked and could afford was near impossible. I finally decided that I would make my own. I made myself an account on Etsy and began the search. I’m not going to lie, my ideas were somewhat stolen from other Etsy users. I took an idea from one store and the wording from another and the stamp ideas from another, until I decided screw it! MY idea works better. I sat and planned and drew and stamped and stained until I came up with something I felt was fantastic! I put it together and worked on a bunch of the same idea and perfected it. I was in love with my own little invites. I decided the theme was now Elly in Wonderland (my daughter) and I was the queen. This led me to finding other things on Etsy and ordering more and more offline. I bought stamps and bingo cards and bags and keys to make party favors! I bought random things for my mom and a couple little treasures for myself. I didn’t even want to go to the store when I had money, I just wanted to shop off of this addicting website. Because, let’s be honest, there is something about ordering online and that final moment when you receive it in the mail that is absolutely, undeniably, FANTASTIC! You hope and hope all week that it will be here soon. Sometimes you even let yourself forget about it so your hopes aren’t too high every time you open the mailbox full of nothing but bills. And then one day, there it is. That tiny little package addressed to you and no one else. You rush inside, gripping it tightly, and then toss the rest on the kitchen counter. You shred the package and there it is!!! Your treasure that you’ve been waiting for what seemed like forever to finally receive and use! Ugh the rush is incredible.

I had sent out about 20 invites in the mail, and received some surprising feedback. People actually liked my creations. I suddenly was hit with yet another idea. Why don’t I try and sell MY invites on Etsy? I had seen other cards that I maybe stole the idea to use a ribbon or a stamp on mine, but there was no invite with MY style on it. The way I stamp or the way I fold or the way that I stain them. I could do this. My Mother said the same thing to me. So I decided to try it out. I made a different Etsy account and named my little card company and wrote down a million ideas for myself. So far I have only added one listing to my site, but I can only feel my seller addiction growing.

It has been about a week since my last Etsy purchase…

Yet I find my hands stained with ink and millions of stamped papers and cards all over my room which I have now renamed “My Workshop.” I have become an Etsy nerd overnight. Now I am constantly thinking of ideas and coming up with new ways of creating and adding my own taste in a new community. My fiance is wonderful and supports all of my wild ideas. He even adds a little input here and there as well. I adore him for it.

If you would like, go check out what I have added in my shop. It’s rather bare at the moment, but you can see what I did for my invites!

Crimson Queen Vintage <- There it is!

Parking Lot Rage.

Ever since I have had my drivers license, I have gotten anxiety from driving.

Ever since I have had my mustang, I have been an ass hole behind the wheel.

Ever since I have become pregnant, I haven’t been as much of a speeder, but still lose my temper, and my temper is a lot easier to lose these days.

I know that I am not perfect and in fact I do too make mistakes on the road, but as I get older, and talk to my therapist, it has become increasingly evident that the world is full of selfish people. This is why I react the way I do.

I am the ass hole driver who might not let you in if you are going 10 miles below the speed limit, and it is evident that the world is passing you, or my grandmother would. I am the ass hole driver who might scoot around or in front of you because you are slow, and yes, I am late as always. If by chance you end up catching up to me to display your middle finger in frustration, I will usually kindly apologize with my middle finger in return.

Lately, my favorite activity is leaving notes on idiots cars. Yesterday’s note was to a bitchy lady who saw me calmly driving down the isle outside of the grocery store looking for a spot to park. She immediately swung into a spot right before me and then parked crooked so there was no room for me in the spot next to her. While normally, I might have said something rude to her, I simply smiled and continued driving down the isle to the back of the lot. I then had to walk my pregnant ass from the back, which I know isn’t a HUGE deal, but when you are sore and don’t even like the grocery store, it seems like the hardest thing in the world. Her note simply stated “Nice parking job.” She was lucky I didn’t have a milk shake in hand.

Today’s note was inspired by another bitch in a parking lot. This particular bitch in her mini van decided to honk at me for simply putting my car in reverse. I would have ignored it, but long irrational honks tend to irritate me the most.

I had parked crooked and it drives me crazy to just leave it crooked because I am afraid someone will park too close and I will end up with a scratch or ding or not be able to get in. I hadn’t even let go of my brakes yet, because I saw her coming, and knew she was not going to stop. She must have assumed I was just going to pull out and hit her, yet she continued to drive past me without applying her brakes while displaying the longest honk of my life. I then fixed my parking job and proceeded to walk to the pharmacy for my mother, keeping a bitter eye out for where the bitch had parked. After leaving the pharmacy, I walked out to my car still irritated because I saw her with a child after we had made eye contact through a window. I got in my car, drove one lane over and parked next to her van plotting my revenge.

HER note read “Maybe you shouldn’t be SPEEDING through a parking lot with a CHILD in your car. Use your head AND CALM DOWN!”

I left the note under her door handle wide open for her to see on her way back, and went on with my day.

What irritates YOU the most behind the wheel? When was the last time YOU displayed a little of your OWN road rage? Do tell, I love stories. 😉

Movement

Last night, I was wasting time sitting at my computer and reading about baby stuff. I read through this “fill out” journal that is called “What to Expect.” Basically it is a week by week journal that you fill out all about your pregnancy. I have been neglecting writing in it for about 3 weeks because I have about 6 different things to write in, and I really haven’t sat down and taken the time to look at it. Well I came across a page which was asking questions about baby’s first movements, and since I have been WAITING to feel ANYTHING, thought to myself impatiently “Well, I’m not there yet” wishing I was. I put the book down and began messing around on my computer forgetting about what I had just read and engulfed myself in a game. I sat there thinking about my game and started feeling something funny in my stomach. Without thinking, I rubbed it and then poked it where it felt funny, and all of a sudden felt something quite odd. It poked back! I completely stopped everything I was doing and placed both hands on my stomach…waiting. Nothing happened. I poked again and waited. Another poke back! I was so overwhelmed with joy that tears filled my eyes and I began to Laugh! My baby girl seemed to be playing with me! I sat with a hand on my stomach and sent a text to my fiance, mom, dad, sister and best friend. I finally got to feel my baby move. It felt a little strange, but I have never been so excited. And how odd that I had just been thinking and reading about feeling baby’s movements. It was as if she had read my impatient mind and was poking as if to say “I’m right here mom!”

I’ve always known.

I have always known that I was a little different from most kids. The need to NOT be sticky handed while eating sticky things such as cotton candy, while other kids seemed to have it between every finger and all over their face and not even notice, drove me absolutely mad at the age of 5. The need for everything to be even such as the way I step down stairs with each foot. At the age of about 3, maybe 4, I was obsessively dragging my mother back to repeat half of the stair case with me if each foot had not stepped in the right spot on every stair. I cannot tell you why, I just had this overwhelming compulsion to make sure every step was the same.

In elementary school, my mother would have described me as a round peg that just wouldn’t fit in that square hole. Or however the saying goes. Some may have described me as having A.D.D. which I am told now is A.D.H.D. Not the same in my humble opinion. I am NOT hyperactive by any means, I just have a hard time paying attention, or keeping my attention focused on one thing rather.

I have a TON of creativity, but lack the patience to dig it out of my skull and show it most of the time. It comes out most when I write I think, but usually requires a prompt. In fact, I’m not even sure how I have told you this much without you actually requesting it. I suppose my creative side has just been dying to reach you.

Updates on my little one.

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Say hello to my little girl. We don’t have a name for her yet, but we’re lookin! This was what we used to announce on our social network accounts. It made me happy to see so much love and support and “congratulations.” It also made me happy to see my fiancé so excited to release it to his friends. If you look closely, you can see our little girl throwin’ up the “Peace” sign. I already adore her so much. She cracks me up. Every ultra sound I get, she just looks like she is already having so much fun.